Scripture text: John 20:19-31
It’s likely not a surprise to anyone here that I don’t always conform to people’s preconceptions of what a Christian pastor should be. I’m not typically one to “tow the party line” as it were in pretty much anything. I’m a questioner. I’m that guy in every classroom who sends up his hand at the end of the lesson with a question to challenge, to clarify, or to understand.
As a result, I’ve come to hold some rather heterodoxical views. I am not a Creationist, for instance. I was taught Creationism in my Sunday School classes, but I was also a student of science. I’ve mentioned before that I was into dinosaurs before that was a thing. I liked astronomy and what I had learned from science told me the world and the universe simply could not be created in six 24-hour periods roughly 6000 years ago. That didn’t and still doesn’t make sense to me.
However, none of the science that I’ve studied has led me to the conclusion that God is not real. In fact, quite the contrary. The wonder of this universe, its infinite vastness, has convinced me all the more of the truth of a divine creator. “Something caused all this,” a character in a movie I like once mused, “but what caused the cause.” Indeed.
As a youth, I played Dungeons and Dragons, I read sci-fi and fantasy literature, listened to rock-n-roll music. I was told by church leaders that any one of those things would turn me into a devil worshiper. But again, the evidence didn’t add up to that conclusion. My friends were not devil worshipers and I felt no inclination towards that after my own experiences. I questioned their conclusions and kept on doing what I liked to do and enjoying the things I enjoyed. In the end, once again, none of those hobbies or interests led me to the conclusion that God is not real.
Believing the things that I do and holding the opinions that I have is not always easy. Many believers to the right of me cannot believe that I can hold to the doctrines and dogma that I hold to and still claim to be “Christian.” While folks to my left politically are often baffled that I can be so scientifically inclined and yet not see religion and faith as a mere superstitious fairy-tale. But, in truth, I think I’m in good company. Because there is one of the Twelve who, I believe, thinks like I do and he too is often poorly understood. His name is Thomas.
The “Doubter” he’s always been called. It’s such an insulting nickname and the poor man has had it for thousands of years. But is he really what history has claimed him to be? (Well, there I go again. Questioning the conventional wisdom.) Why don’t we look at the evidence?
Thomas appears in all the Gospel accounts, although in the synoptics, he’s only named as one of the Twelve. He has no dialogue, no speaking parts, in the story. He’s just there, along with many of the Twelve who are likewise simply in the background.
In John’s Gospel however, Thomas rises to prominence. In fact, you can argue that Thomas takes the #3 slot in the Twelve, having the most interaction with Jesus after Peter and John. And in nearly every instance, Thomas is asking a question.
Oh, so he’s that guy too. The one raising his hand at the end of class looking for clarity, for understanding, wanting to know more. He doesn’t question because he’s a skeptic. He doesn’t question because he doesn’t believe. He questions because he doesn’t understand, but he wants to. He questions because he’s curious and wants to know more.
The one story where he doesn’t question bears the truth of this out: The story of Lazarus. Jesus’ best friend Lazarus has fallen ill, but Jesus delays going to him. When Jesus finally does make the decision to journey to Bethany (ostensibly to raise Lazarus from the dead), the disciples are frightened. Going towards Jerusalem, towards the home base of their enemies among the religious leaders, is not a prospect they relish. Thomas however speaks up. “Let us go so that we may die with him.” One line, one sentence. But what a sentence. We can’t let Jesus go into this alone. We can’t abandon him now. We have to go. We have to follow. And the other disciples listen and follow through on Thomas’ challenge.
Does that sound like someone who is disloyal to Jesus? Does it sound like someone who doubts him?
Then we come to our Gospel lesson, the famous story for which Thomas has gained his infamous nickname. We hold him to account for questioning the reports of Jesus’ resurrection. Funny how we never hold the other disciples feet to the fire on that. They’ve all already heard from Mary Magdalene that Jesus is alive. And where are they that evening? Locked in a dark room hiding away from the world.
Christ is risen and nearly the whole lot of them is cowering in terror. Except for Thomas who, for whatever reason, is not there. Maybe they sent him out for pizza or something. But he doesn’t appear to be afraid. But his courage is admittedly not matched by his belief. When he is again told that Jesus is alive, he questions.
A leopard cannot change its spots and ever-curious Thomas wants to know more. He wants to see. He wants to feel. He wants what the other ten have already received, a face-to-face with Jesus. The wonder of it is that Jesus obliges him, one week later. Jesus shows up, holds out his hands for Thomas to see the wounds. He then commends those who will believe without seeing, but he does not scold Thomas for his questions.
To me, Thomas is really the role-model of the ideal believer. There is a certain honesty in him. He doesn’t get all this God stuff and he’s not afraid to admit it. He asks questions. He wonders. He tries to understand and, like so many of us, he doesn’t always get it. But he keeps at it. His dedication is unquestioned. His loyalty solid. He may not always understand, but he always trusts in God and hopes in his Christ. We could do a lot worse in emulating his example.
Too often in these days, we confuse doubt with disloyalty. We presume questions are weakness and that if we seek too far or too deeply into these mysteries we will fall away from belief. Thomas is proof that is not true. Doubt is not our enemy. Doubt is our motivation to keep at it. To dive into the Scriptures, to ask questions of God, to find the understanding that we lack, but that we crave. And the stories of Thomas show that such endeavors are not in vain. Christ comes to him and gives him what he seeks. We too can find our answers. Doubt is the road we walk, whether we like to admit it or not, but at the end is the God we seek, the God we want to know, the God who loves us. Amen.
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